Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Bad baby excuses: Grandma Edition

Grandma Crazycakes (my mother) is obsessed with C. If I didn't know better, I would think she thought C was a modern day messiah brought down to earth for her grandmotherly pleasure. Because of her, my daughter has more shoes than Imelda Marcos and more toys than Richie Rich.

Grandma Crazycakes also calls... a LOT. These are typically how these conversations go:

Me: Hello, mother.
Grandma: Hey, how is everyone?
Me: Okay.

*Now, this part is a ruse. She doesn't REALLY care how ALL of us are. She gets down to the meat of her call quickly.*

Grandma: How is C? Doing anything new? Saying any new words? What is she doing right now?

^^^This is an everyday conversation, but occasionally, I'm get a bit frustrated because C has been acting like a crazy kid. These conversations go like this:

Grandma: How is C today?
Me: Oh my God. She's been crazy today!
Grandma: Oh yeah, what did she do?
Me: Well, she woke up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Then she made the cat levitate and then started punching the dog in the face for fun. She learned how to create fire by rubbing two cabbage patch dolls together and lit the rug ablaze.
Grandma: Oh.........
Me: And that isn't the worse of it. She saw that commercial about turning in your old jewelry and gold for cash. Somehow she figured out the pin number on my ATM card, drained out the account, and turned all of our cash into old jewelry and gold. Now I have a huge gold Elmo pendant. I also don't know what I'm going to do with a gold letter C the size of my fist?

And her response... ALWAYS her response:
Awww.. poor thing, she must be teething.

Yes, TEETHING. Because we all know that every toddler EVERYWHERE only acts annoying when they're teething. Seriously, this kid could join a gangster toddler gang and Grandma Crazycakes' excuse? Teething. Clearly. That MUST be it.

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