Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Text message from Daddy Crazycakes (teacher) while waiting for parents on open house day:

"Two hours, one parent. Sounds like a dirty internet video".

Hmmmmm.....somebody needs some more attention from Mama Crazycakes. Just sayin.

Friday, February 8, 2013


I never noticed this before..probably because I don't stare at them lovingly, but I noticed today that Playtex tampons have "inspirational" messages on their wrappers. The statements read as, "play hard always" and "focus on the positive".

First, if I'm chilling with Playtex, the only thing I'm going to "play hard" at is overeating or possibly changing the channel on my TV to the Golden Girls or the Hallmark channel. Just saying, I'm only going to be "playing hard" at being lazy if I can help it.

Second... focus on the positive? I have some suggestions for Playtex about some true inspirational quotes that I think might serve women better. Maybe messages such as:

Almost over!
Only another 35 years or less until menopause!
Good job on dodging that bullet this month!
At least he'll let you sleep tonight!
Please enjoy this complimentary chocolate bar attached!

I think these statements would be FAR more inspirational, at least to me.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

No Bedtime!

Mama Crazycakes: Okay, C, time for bed.
C: NO!

I was NATURALLY caught off guard. I've never had my 20 month old tell me "no". Of course, as a good mother should, I sat her down across from me IMMEDIATELY and we "discussed" why she needed to go to bed. I rationally explained to her why it's important to have a bedtime every night and the importance of routine. She then took shook her little head in understanding, we had a BIG hug, and I gently put her to bed where she went to bed immediately.

Haha... I'm joking. None of that crap happened. I ignored her and made her go to sleep anyway. She made some really annoying noises for a few minutes, flailed her arms and legs to stay awake, and then finally gave up and fell asleep.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mini what?

Daddy Crazycakes brought these home for me today. Well pardon me, SIR..but I'm not a toddler, I don't need ANYTHING mini. Mini Moonpies are for babies!

But they're 110 calories each you might say. I tell you when they're not...when you eat six of them in a row.

Facebook page

I was advised by a friend to make a facebook page because I'm needy, talented..... need traffic.

My facebook page is :

Come on over so you can find a better way to mock me directly.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Google Ads

So, I posted my last blog entry and Google posted an ad about how to "become a better parent" next to it. What are you trying to say, Google? Are you saying I need some.. intervention?

Don't make me take out my tiny earrings and have my toddler who still puts everything in her mouth hold them for me. You don't want that, do you?

Bad baby excuses: Grandma Edition

Grandma Crazycakes (my mother) is obsessed with C. If I didn't know better, I would think she thought C was a modern day messiah brought down to earth for her grandmotherly pleasure. Because of her, my daughter has more shoes than Imelda Marcos and more toys than Richie Rich.

Grandma Crazycakes also calls... a LOT. These are typically how these conversations go:

Me: Hello, mother.
Grandma: Hey, how is everyone?
Me: Okay.

*Now, this part is a ruse. She doesn't REALLY care how ALL of us are. She gets down to the meat of her call quickly.*

Grandma: How is C? Doing anything new? Saying any new words? What is she doing right now?

^^^This is an everyday conversation, but occasionally, I'm get a bit frustrated because C has been acting like a crazy kid. These conversations go like this:

Grandma: How is C today?
Me: Oh my God. She's been crazy today!
Grandma: Oh yeah, what did she do?
Me: Well, she woke up at 6 am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Then she made the cat levitate and then started punching the dog in the face for fun. She learned how to create fire by rubbing two cabbage patch dolls together and lit the rug ablaze.
Grandma: Oh.........
Me: And that isn't the worse of it. She saw that commercial about turning in your old jewelry and gold for cash. Somehow she figured out the pin number on my ATM card, drained out the account, and turned all of our cash into old jewelry and gold. Now I have a huge gold Elmo pendant. I also don't know what I'm going to do with a gold letter C the size of my fist?

And her response... ALWAYS her response:
Awww.. poor thing, she must be teething.

Yes, TEETHING. Because we all know that every toddler EVERYWHERE only acts annoying when they're teething. Seriously, this kid could join a gangster toddler gang and Grandma Crazycakes' excuse? Teething. Clearly. That MUST be it.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Toddler keyboarding

Toddler keyboarding is ALL the rage. This is how it works in a few easy steps:

1. Take your eyes off your child for any amount of time. It can be something very simple, like going to the bathroom, or getting a drink.

2. Make sure to leave your laptop OPEN, or your screen from your computer ON. This serves as a green light to toddlers that it's time for a keyboard party.

3. Be absolutely sure that your toddler looks distracted. Turn on their favorite TV show, or make sure they're playing with their favorite toy. This is actually a trick they use to lull you into a false sense of comfort. As soon as you leave the room for 30 seconds they'll drop whatever they're doing to play on mom and dad's "big person toy".

If you follow these few simple steps, you TOO can have no backspace key on your computer or laptop as well!

Happy keyboarding everyone!